Category Archives: webcomic

When You Gotta Go

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Pretty sure some of these legislators spend more time thinking about people’s junk than the people whose junk it is spend thinking about it. 

Society has already given us a really simple rubric to determine whether or not you should be questioning strangers about what their genitals look like: have you and that stranger both expressed enthusiastic interest in you having sex with their genitals? No? Then why the hell do you care? Why is this even an issue? There is literally no other situation wherein civilized people openly discuss and pass judgment on other adults’ groins. Can we PLEASE grow up about this?

If you are very good friends with a person who has made it clear that they’re comfortable discussing their transition with you, there may be a circumstance where it’s not completely rude to ask them about it, but I seriously doubt that anyone who supports this kind of legislature has that kind of friendship.

My little comic is, of course, a riff off of all those “I’d rather pee next to a trans person” memes that have been going around. But they doesn’t go far enough. My version might seem draconian, but in my experience, trans people tend to be pretty committed to practicing safe sex. So their precious bodily fluids are probably a lot cleaner than those of your average abstinence-only hypocrite.

I promise, you’ve been peeing next to trans people without incident your entire life. With or without hate-filled laws that deny human beings of their basic civil rights, you will continue to pee next to trans people without incident. As the news tells us, day after day after day, the people who are most likely to molest you are cis-bodied heterosexual men. I have absolutely never heard of anyone being molested by a trans woman, in or out of a bathroom. But I bet that you have heard of someone being sexually assaulted by a cis-bodied heterosexual man. Maybe once or twice.

In less offensive news, it’s Tuesday night and I am updating Friday’s comic! I don’t think that’s ever happened.

It’s More Efficient This Way

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Admittedly, artists do this too, but people think we’ve done it on purpose. 

The Man is pretty fastidious about his sartorial choices and wouldn’t fail to notice that he was wearing his shirt inside out unless he was really sick, but this did happen with the guy I dated before I met the man, referred to elsewhere as Engineer #6 (The Man was lucky #7 I guess). Engineer #6 was already married to his work and left me for NASA, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be either way. Plus, he never reads this blog, so I can say whatever I want about him. But he did call me the other day, which he does once or twice a year, so that reminded me of this.

In real life, right after the moment in panel 4, while he was still hanging his head in shame, I coined the term “adorkable.” This was 2005, so I like to think I can lay claim to the word.

When I realize my clothes are on inside out, I just go with it. But I do that when I realize that there’s a huge stain down the front of my outfit or a massive rip in the seat of my pants, too.

Pineapples Make the Best Projectiles

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There’s actually an almost perfectly mundane explanation for why I’m carrying a pineapple around this party, but it’s much more interesting if you don’t know that. But I guess bringing a pineapple to a party for any reason is a little bit unusual.

My life, as you may know, involves a fair degree of surrealism, but I think it’s a good idea to help the weirdness along. I really thought I was going to carve that pineapple up at that party and then probably eat most of it myself, because I can eat a lot of pineapple, but then there was all this food already and so many people to talk to and then Misses Kitty randomly texted asking me to go downtown with her while she got her lip pierced, and by the time we got back to the party I actually really wanted that pineapple, but there were even more people to talk to and by that time The Man had left and Misses Kitty was my ride and she wanted to go. So I went and retrieved my pineapple from the kitchen, to the great hilarity of all who witnessed it. People more or less said these things to me while I made my rounds to say goodbye.

There was another comment about the TV show Psych, but I only watched part of one season of that show before deciding it was too silly even for me, so I had no idea what they were talking about and didn’t know how to make it funny for the comic. But someone did tell me that they thought pineapples were natural projectile weapons.

Anyway, making the world a weirder place is just part of what I do.

Scientists Adjust Their Beliefs According to Evidence

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And yes, I know it’s more responsible to say “we share between 40 and 50% DNA with cabbages” but it’s much funnier to say 42. Trust me. It’s a reasonable conclusion

Today has been an angry day. There are ridiculous fools spouting untenable propositions everywhere I go on the Internet. My outrage isn’t really about people who deny science, even though they are trying. It’s just about people who think they know everything, and who honestly believe that their personal opinion must be undisputed fact, and that therefore everyone who disagrees with them must be wrong. Also, the punchline is something I like to say whenever people bring up the subject of what percentage DNA humans have in common with vegetables, and sometimes I just draw a comic because I have a joke.

I do happen to know something about science and religion, because my father holds a PhD in chemistry and strong religious views, so I was raised to read the Bible but to also apply the scientific method, and to understand the difference between spiritual truth and objective truth. My dad was a research scientist for 30 years, but he transitioned into education late in life, and now he teaches science in religious schools, where his work is not always appreciated. It’s hard for me to believe that these people really, truly exist, but they do. He had a class where kids were literally sticking their fingers in their ears so as not to hear a lesson about evolution. Sure, they’re kids, but at the same time, what an apt metaphor for the young earth creationists, the climate change deniers, the anti-vaxxers, and of course, most perplexingly, the chemtrail believers in our midst.

But, like good old Neil DeGrasse Tyson said, “The good thing about science is that it’s true whether you believe it or not.” Your opinion that one particular book written by people whose technological advances never went beyond blacksmithing is the only legitimate reference work on the planet doesn’t changes the observations of natural phenomenon made by people who actually wanted to learn the truth about their world. Whether it’s a statement that runs counter to your religious belief or your personal view of yourself, sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly doesn’t change reality.

I will refrain from discussion modern physics’ take on the nature of reality.

Every Time I Tell a Joke

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Man, I wish I knew the ending to that joke.

He likes to pretend I’m not funny. But whenever I tell a good joke, he immediately calls his brother to repeat it, and then every single time we go out with anyone for the next 3 weeks, he tells it again. That’s what love is. Putting up with that.

Yesterday’s comic got a pretty good reception, tons of upvotes across various platforms, which, of course, led to a bunch of misogynistic online criticism from anonymous cretins. It’s sort of disheartening to know that they exist. Do they hide their sexism under a cloak of kindness when they move in public and only air their shame from behind the safety of the keyboard, or do they spew that acid wherever they go?

Gender-based criticism never really affected me that much, since I have never actually felt like a girl. Genderqueer dragons are immune to that nonsense. But attacking the characters in my comic is another thing! I am overwhelmed with outrage. Philistines! You know nothing. Anyway, if you think you can cut me down with words…that’s like trying to burn Superman with the light of the sun.

Selfishness

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I’ll be sure to get on that as soon as nobody needs me and I have nothing else I have to do.

These aren’t all my experiences, but they’re all pretty common experiences, especially for women, I think. Don’t be selfish, don’t be selfish. Always put others first. Don’t ask for things. Take care of your siblings, take care of your children, take care of your parents. There’s no time for caretaker burnout because everyone depends on you. You never get to be the selfish one.

But that’s exactly what you have to allow yourself to be, or so I’m told.

Prickly People Need Love, Too

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Slightly more enticing than the average guy wearing a “FREE HUGS” sign around his neck.

A couple years back, The Man took me to see some a friend perform standup comedy at a local club. One of other comedians doing a set that night was from out of town, and it might have been his first time in the desert. He tried out what was obviously a joke he had just thought of on his way into town, about the saguaro cacti and how they held their arms with a pugilistic attitude, making them all look like they wanted to fight.

He didn’t get any laughs with that joke, and I think it was because it was too easy, and it didn’t go far enough. Those of us who live here know that they don’t all look like they want to fight. Some of them do, but some of them look like they want to shake hands, reach something off a high shelf, or push people away, or hold them tenderly. A lot of them look like they want to hold you tenderly.

A lot of them look like they’re really proud to have sprouted arms that resemble genitalia, and then want to show those appendages off to you.

The point is, saguaros all have a lot of personality, in a way that can’t be said for every type of plant. They’re distinguishable, and while there are some with a particularly classic shape, no 2 are alike, and they’re easy to anthropomorphize.

Hard to hug, though.

Not impossible. But difficult.

Dragon Comics 129

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Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

It’s a bit of hyperbole, but not much of an exaggeration. One iced tea 10 hours ago, OK, but if it were 2 iced teas after about 3 pm, I would be in trouble.

In grad school, I had this British friend, very British by his own admonition. One evening I did him a favor, and he asked how to thank me. Feeling a bit tired, and wishing to attend a yoga class later in the night, I suggested he make me a cup of tea. That is a very British thing to do. He selected an Irish breakfast tea. It was delicious! I had 2 cups! And I attended that yoga class, by golly! And then I vibrated for the rest of the night.

I do not drink caffeine after 3 pm now.

Dragon Comics 128

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ZZZZzzzzzzz…..

Wow, busy day. The Fox and Otter wedding was very wonderful but at the end of the day The Man and I found ourselves completely exhausted. Then I had a bad moment when the tablet wasn’t working again but it settled itself down. But still, it was a long day, and all I had was another insomnia comic, and I didn’t even have insomnia. I just got up earlier than usual and spent a lot of time sweating in the desert before breakfast, and then basically ate one massive meal in the late afternoon, and my brain was done and my body was done and my eyes were especially done.

Done.

At the Downtown Dispensary

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What’s really confusing about this is that you don’t have to open the door to get the full effect. You can smell the dispensary from a block away.

Miraculously, here is a comic. It’s miraculous due to the difficulty I encountered in bringing it to you. First of all, after uploading yesterday’s mandala, I went to work on a particular comic that I’ve been trying to finish all month, and the Wacom tablet was malfunctioning. I spend a long time messing with it–swapping USB ports, switching cables, turning things on and off, deleting and reinstalling the drivers–then finally emailed Wacom and started this pencil comic because I had a feeling that Wacom wasn’t going to be any help and I was going to need something for today, and that it would take me an exceptionally long time to get it ready without the computer.

In the morning, I received 2 completely useless (I mean, basically blank) emails from Wacom. The Man decided that I needed to upload newer drivers, which was a great idea, except that I hadn’t updated my OS in a while, and the new drivers needed a new operating system. So that took like 5 hours. It would have been faster but I didn’t have enough disk space for it, so I had to delete a bunch of files first. But the download took over 3 hours and the install took close to an hour. And then I still had to install the drivers. And now the tablet works again, huzzah.

Meanwhile, I drew this comic in pencil and then fixed the contrast in Photoshop so it was actually readable. But you can see why I prefer to do everything in Photoshop. I had to draw that same poster 6 times. Also, I note that the dude shrinks about 4 inches between panel 4 and panel 5. And the lettering is all wonky, and so are all the lines. I guess I could have used a ruler…

Just a slice of life. I do not have a medical card and don’t frequent the Downtown Dispensary–this was actually my first time setting foot in a dispensary–but The Man offered to drive some friends on their errands, so we were waiting for them in the lobby, and this basically happened: random dude stuck his head in the door, inhaled deeply, sighed, and left. Cracks me up. Bonnie Jo Campbell’s sitcom moment of the day. Subtle.

My pencil comics never get much love, but I honored my promise to myself. Sadly, what I needed to be doing with this day was perfecting the ceremony for the Fox and the Otter’s wedding, which begins in just under 12 hours from the time I’m writing this update. It’s ridiculous how much time I lost this week between American Airlines and Wacom both failing me. But I cannot fail the Fox and the Otter.