Tag Archives: despair

November 1

no halloween

We could have this stuff 5 days a week, what do you think?

No, I don’t want to talk about it. Unless you think you’ve got something to say to me.

I know that a lot of people think Smarties are gross. I used to think I liked them. Tonight I didn’t even want the good chocolate.

On the plus side, I’m a finalist in a writing contest. If you want to cheer me up, you could vote for me. You can check out the complete list of finalists and all the entries here.

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Dragon Comics 146

dragon comics 146_edited-2.png

Did you want me to call you a pizza? OK, you’re a pizza.

Originally, the artwork on this comic was much better, but all my electronics have been conspiring to drive me insane lately. I thought it was just a fluke, or my imagination. I had an incident a couple months back where 1600 words just disappeared from a text file I was working on. Maybe I forgot to save it, and then Word crashed, and I didn’t notice, but that seemed kind of unlikely. I always save. And even in Word crashes you don’t lost everything. But I let it pass. And there were a couple similar, but smaller, issues, I dismissed.

Tonight, I worked on the art for about an hour, then went to cuddle The Man. My work was still there when I sat down. Then I checked 1 thing on the internet, and when I came back, it was gone. The app had closed on its own and when I opened it the original text remained, but not the corrections I had done today, or the art. Then I looked and noticed that the art forĀ yesterday’s comic had also disappeared. The PNG file I uploaded remained, but the original PSD was gone. It was like my computer had just reset to 24 hours earlier.

I’m perplexed. I almost gave up but decided just to bang it out anyway. Not my best work. Not like I would do my best work after 2 days of hard driving: Chicago to Little Rock and Little Rock to San Antonio. We are just eating up the map. The same way my computer is eating up my work.

Dragon Comics 66

You can't always get what you want. Sometimes you can't even get what you need.

You can’t always get what you want. Sometimes you can’t even get what you need.

This metaphor lends itself to oversimplification. In real life, you can have both hope and despair at the same time, to a degree, but in my experience one is usually going to be louder. The balance can shift back and forth, adding a fun element of manic depression to all the other mental noise of an imperfect creative life, but you don’t feel equal parts optimistic and pessimistic. Either you’re a superstar who produces an endless tide of flawless gems, or you’re a hack who should give up and go into medical transcription or some other field that doesn’t require imagination. Even some of the most successful people I know seem to bounce back and forth between basking in their success and questioning when it will all come crashing down around their heads when the truth regarding their lack of talent is revealed.

So it really does end up being a series of endless circles, a spiritual wheel of fortune that can rise and fall multiple times in a single day. In an hour. In a minute.

The mandala in which Dragon is tangled today is based on a sacred geometry design. Saturday The Man and I went over to the Bear’s cave for the first time in forever (he said, “That snake just gets me.) and spent a couple hours talking, about art, in theory, practice, and business, as well as the subject of these ancient forms. When you just look at them they seem orderly and easy to understand, but when you try to draw one, the intricacies of symmetry and proportion really pop out at you. I had the same experience drawing and cuttingĀ the Man in the Maze, except that one was about 500 times more complicated than this.