Six New Dragon T-shirts!

At the risk of potentially promoting myself or something: more Dragon merch! There are 6 new designs in the Dragon Comics portfolio on RedBubble, some of which have been a while in coming.

Dragon and The Man beneath the Milky Way

Dragon and The Man beneath the Milky Way

Dragon and The Man beneath the Milky Way looks great on a dark colored background. Get cozy with nature as you watch shooting stars arc across the dust lanes.

Cool Clothes. And a Beard.

Cool Clothes. And a Beard.

Cool Clothes. And a Beard brings together some of the Internet’s most endearing nonsense: 3 wolf moon, nyan cat, international bearding competition winners, and Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top.

The Machine

The Machine

It’s a water heater! It’s a wankel rotary engine! It’s a solar panel! It’s…The Machine. Fuel your machine with this inexplicable contraction on a coffee cup, or advertise the fact that you’re a no-nonsense machine by wearing a ridiculous T-shirt.

Dragon and Owl Painting in the Desert

Dragon and Owl Painting in the Desert

Creative minds need to find creative ways to pass the time while they’re waiting for the world to recognize their sublime artistic genius. Join Dragon and Own Painting in the Desert and keep your creativity well-fed with tea and pebber nodder

Whatever You Need for Comic Effect

Whatever You Need for Comic Effect

If your sofa needs a little random insanity, Whatever You Need for Comic Effect is available on a pillow. Who needs a bag of many things when you have a magic cave? Carmen Miranda hat, fun size trebuchet, or wearable triceratops head, it’s all within easy reach.

Dragon Rages against the Kids' Electronic Devices

Dragon Rages against the Kids’ Electronic Devices

Give in to a little primal rage against the machine with the Dragon Rages against the Kids’ Electronic Devices; take it with you wherever you go with a travel mug. Or get a sticker and slap it on someone’s Kindle screen.

That’s all the publicity I have in me right now. Support a tortured artist.

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No bears were harmed by anyone other than themselves in the making of this comic.

No bears were harmed by anyone other than themselves in the making of this comic.

I’m not a perfectionist, and I’m not vested in maintaining total control over the end of the process: my work is deliberately and lovingly flawed, and printing and shipping is up to someone else. LIke I said yesterday, marketing and sales are sort of beyond my bailiwick, and what bare interest I muster in the process only reflects a desire to continue spending 40 hours a week drawing and writing. (Obviously, I’m lucky to have The Man to support me in this endeavor, not to mention no small degree of class privilege.)

This comic is offered lovingly in honor of my friend, the bear, who creates marvelous and superlative designs, which he reproduces himself on delicate merchandise in custom colors. Each piece, and the design painted and engraved upon it, must be completely free from defect before he signs, wraps, packs, and ships it. Himself. His work is exquisite. We’ve been friends for over 20 years, and he lives 3 1/2 miles from here, and the only time I’ve seen him in the last 6 months has been in his booth at an art fair.

From a financial perspective, clearly I’m going about this all wrong, but it just sort of hit me last night that finally, after a lot of years adrift (thank you very much web content for search engine optimization) my life has finally aligned itself with true north on my heart’s compass. Life is not perfect, but all the important pieces are engaged and the sun still shines in the daytime.

For the bear, if he reads this, I think your way is successful too. You make a good tortured artistic soul in thrall of his cruel and lovely mistress and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. You are a funny, grumpy, lovable old bear with whom I have not hung out in a long time. Text me.

More Cute T-shirts on Cute Kids

Are you this happy? No? Do you have a QWERTYvsDvorak shirt? Do you think there might be a connection?

Are you this happy? No? Do you have a QWERTYvsDvorak shirt? Do you think there might be a connection?

I know quite a few people got QvD T-shirts for Christmas, and they promised to send me photos, but this is the only one I have so far. OK, that’s not 100% true. There is also this:

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That’s a giralicorn on the left. The welding masks and nunchaku are, I believe, cherished elements of this family’s Christmas tradition.

There is an explanation for that photo, but it doesn’t make any more sense than the photo itself.

For six long years before QWERTYvsDvorak, I was the lead writer for a successful international Internet-based company. Technically, I was hired to write web content for search engine optimization, which meant one thing in 2008, when I started, and means about 15,000 different things in 2015. During my tenure, I was often called upon to work on more direct marketing type stuff, advertising, outreach, mass mailings. When I worked at WW Norton, I also had occasion to work with the marketing department.

Here’s one thing I’ve known about myself: I suck at marketing. Beginning with my utter inability to market myself as a likable human being (see yesterday’s post) and continuing steadily to today, I’ve never had the knack of convincing large groups of people to view my perspective favorably. This is weird, actually, since I’m a decent writer and have a degree in psychology and have been told by many people that I would excel in both the fields of advertising and law. And possibly, if I could make myself care about either of those things, I could be good at them.

But even though I would love it if people bought more T-shirts, I don’t know how to make people want to buy more T-shirts. I don’t know how to make myself care about selling enough to do the work of selling. I mean, I know how to create an ad campaign and pay various broadcasters to promote that material, but I hate that stuff. I just want to draw the T-shirts (step 1) and get to step 3 (profit), without working on step 2 (?).

Anyway, here are some adorable T-shirts. I drew them. Certain human beings appear to take joy in possessing and wearing them. If you too feel that there might be some joy in the acquisition and donning of our fine QvD merchandise, it would give me immense pleasure to sell you a T-shirt.

Above left: Blondie is wearing a yellow kids’ Princess Sealestia of Aquastria T-shirt.

Above right: Big Brother is wearing a green kids’ Punk Rock Raven T-shirt.

Bottom left: Daft Punk is wearing a light blue girly fit Giralicorn T-shirt.

Click hyperlinks for instant T-shirt gratification.

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The real-life girl was promoting the idea of giving the cartoon girl a flame thrower in panel 4, but I feel that negates the message of the comic.

The real-life girl was promoting the idea of giving the comic girl a flamethrower in panel 4, but I feel that negates the message of the comic.

People who meet me as an adult don’t necessarily believe that I am a true introvert, and many of them are surprised to learned that I was, for many years, a friendless outcast silently suffering an endless campaign of bullying. I was one of those super-hated kids who got it from both sides, the boys and the girls, in public school and Hebrew school, physical and emotional, and furthermore, there were a couple teachers who I felt were pretty mean for no good reason. Sure, I was probably an insufferable know-it-all who talked about weird and esoteric topics and didn’t realize that others judged me on my external appearance, but what I really would have liked was to be left alone. Like many super-nerds, I made it to college (I graduated high school early and started college literally 2 weeks later; that’s how desperate I was to get out, even though the bullying subsided by sophomore year), worked out some social skills, and suddenly found that the haters were in the minority and I was a relatively well-liked dragon.

Still and all, when the girl started complaining that she was being bullied in school, I suffered a couple weeks of PTSD with her. When I was a kid, there was no response to bullying from school administrations. I doubt they could have done much; when 50% of the 7th grade is involved in perpetrating terror, it’s not like they’re all just going to stop because you tell them. Once, a boy punched me in the nose on the school bus and my mother called his mother, which had no effect on his behavior, and there was nothing else to do. That’s not the case now. Most schools brag about their zero-tolerance policy for bullying, and while anyone who knows anything about children can roll their eyes with the knowledge that adults can’t keep a promise like that, at least they actually try.

Ben’s Bells is a beloved Tucson institution, working toward the goal of strengthening communities through kindness awareness. They have a lot of programs, and offer effective kindness education to schools in the region. Most school participate, include the girl’s. When the bullying began, her parents and I tried to offer her some tools for standing up for herself and getting away from her tormentor, but she wasn’t able to wield them effectively, so I contacted her teacher, who immediately brought several administrators on board, sent the girls to the school’s dedicated kindness counselor (can you imagine? how different would life have been 30 years ago?), and immediately ended the problem. Just like that.

So, I didn’t give the girl a flamethrower, because you don’t have to fight fire with fire. It’s actually more effective to overwhelm it with water: compassion.

Dragon Comics 58

They don't even have to throw the money. They could PayPal it, and I think The Man is equipped to take credit card payment.

They don’t even have to throw the money. They could PayPal it, and I think The Man is equipped to take credit card payment.

Yesterday’s Boobapalooza T-shirt instantly became my top design, which probably does not surprise anyone, and even though I ultimately make very little money on T-shirts, every sale is gratifying. It does help an artist feel justified.

Telling the inner critic to shut up is a good practice, even if it can be terribly difficult at times. Dragon seems pretty upbeat and definitely inclined to follow the art, not the critic. Maybe this is Dragon’s New Year Resolution? It’s not mine, actually. My New Year’s Resolution was to stop picking fights with random strangers on conservative web sites, and I’ve been 100% successful at it, and it’s definitely improved my life. But Dragon’s take is a good one, too.

We were talking about this online, a few people with different relationships to the arts than I have. A woman who teaches art said she liked to make things, and didn’t want to be overrun with objects. So for her, selling was a practical matter. Now that I create primarily in pixels, I don’t have that issue (although I do need external memory, since the MacBook Air hard drive is pretty finite when it comes to storage) but I do need that little boost that says, “You’re not completely delusional. Someone, somewhere, finds this worthwhile.”

Boobapalooza: Balancing the Scales of Justice

This is another commission: Boobapalooza is really happening right here in my little town. It’s a celebration to commemorate my friend’s crowdfunded breast reconstruction following her mastectomy, and it’s sure to be raucous. A mutual friend wanted to wear a T-shirt to honor the occasion and asked if I could design one, and here it is! I sold 4 already!

Show your support!

Show your support!

It’s so different from anything I would be inspired to draw myself. Most of the things I want to put on T-shirts are sort of juvenile or innocent. At the same time, the technique is better than anything I’ve done previously, but it took a long time to get right, about 25 hours. Still, you know what they say:

As good as it gets, really.

As good as it gets, really.

It’s been a year of learning.

Dragon Comics 57

Just the delightful buzzing of bees and the delicate swish of the butterfly's wing.

Just the delightful buzzing of bees and the delicate swish of the butterfly’s wing.

I know where this is coming from, but I’m not sure where it’s going. For instance, is Dragon’s meaning the same as my meaning? Is Dragon’s backstory the same as mine, and if not, how insane is Dragon’s backstory? (Because mine might be a little unbelievable, and I’m not even blue and scaly.) Still have a couple days to figure this out.

At least I do know that some part of the world wants my art, because I got another sort of T-shirt commission. I’m not being paid for the design, but based on early response to news of the design, I expect to sell more than 1 as soon as it’s ready, which could be as early as tonight. It’s a commemorative T-shirt for an event come up next month, and the people attending are already a) able to afford novelty clothes and b) interested in the design’s subject matter. Most likely, you can read about/see this stunningly depraved example of outsider art in this space tomorrow morning. It’s quite different from the stuff I draw for myself, but it also helps me see how far I’ve come since I drew my first sketch on the Wacom tablet.

Reaching: A Bulletin Board

If you haven’t read Chris Hadfield’s An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, I highly recommend it. In brief, Hadfield is a well-known astronaut with the Canadian Space Agency who has completed 3 tours of duty on the International Space Station and mulitple spacewalks, much to his delight. He may be best known for recording the first music video in space. Hadfield is a highly motivationed thinker; on the surface, the book is a memoir about his life, why and how he became an astronaut. However, as the title suggests, it’s really a guidebook for life.

Paper vines emerge

Paper vines emerge

In short, Hadfield’s story is this: in 1969, like millions of kids, he watched Neil Armstrong take a stroll across the surface of the moon, and instantly, like millions of kids, his heart’s compass swung toward space. Unlike millions of kids, Hadfield kept his life pointed to his true north, and this is where his story diverges from everyone else’s. From the age of 9, he decided to live his life as if he would become an astronaut. At no point did he expect he would ever actually go to space–Canada didn’t even have a space agency until 1990–but that didn’t change his resolve to be prepare for the possibility, just in case. He writes that, from that day on, whenever presented with a choice as small as salad or potato chips, he asked himself, “What would an astronaut choose?”

Ascend, every day.

Ascend, every day.

Most of us lack the discipline to become astronauts. Perhaps our grades aren’t good enough, or we’re not physically fit, or our individuality precludes any sort of military training. The important part of Hadfield’s story isn’t: make these choices and you’ll get what you want. He repeats the message that he never honestly thought he would ever go to space; he just decided to be prepared if the question ever came up, and even if he hadn’t gone to space, all the things he did to move his life in that direction would have paid off in other ways. He tells another story, which involves a partnership between NASA and a music festival. Hadfield, thinking ahead as was his wont, determined that it was possible that he might meet Elton John, and if he did meet Elton John, Elton John might be aware that he, Hadfield, was a musician as well as an astronaut, and if Elton John knew that, he might ask Hadfield to jam with him, and if Elton John did ask Hadfield to jam with him, the song he would be most likely to suggest they play would be “Rocket Man.” So Hadfield prepared for possibly meeting Elton John by learning to play “Rocket Man” on the guitar. In the end, he did meet Elton John, but was not asked to jam, but that doesn’t change the fact that he learned to play a new song.

it’s a good message for elementary kids, which is why I chose it for my New Year’s bulletin board, but that doesn’t mean that adults of any age can’t or shouldn’t move their lives in the direction of their hearts.

Dragon Comics 56

La la la...do you hear that? Sort of sounds like the wind. Some kind of really annoying wind. Actually, I don't hear anything at all.

La la la…do you hear that? Sort of sounds like the wind. Some kind of really annoying wind. Actually, I don’t hear anything at all.

Misery, by Stephen King, is a decent scary story about a guy held captive by a deranged woman, and for most readers, and anyone who’s only watched the movie, the plot is the key. What always struck me as most interesting, though, was King’s discussion of the writing process. The movie more or less glosses over Paul Sheldon’s process, while the book not only contains big chunks of several of Sheldon’s novels, but also provides a wonderful description of what it feel like to be a writer “in the zone” (Google Mihály Csíkszentmihályi to learn more about this concept), how the creative process unfurls, and what the art of writing feels like and means.

One of the metaphors King uses to illustrate Sheldon’s ability to survive is the game of “Can You?” a competitive form of storytelling the character played as a child, which involved making up stories with cliffhangers, then tagging the next player to help the character escape his predicament by continuing the story is a believable way. The other player then voted on whether or not they bought this section of the story: Can you? Sheldon always could, and, as he struggles through his ordeal, he realizes he is playing a real life version of Can You? and that yes, he can.

This is one way of looking at the creative life: every day is a game of Can You? If, every day, you play the game, most likely, you find that you can. If you can’t, you probably give up and do something else. But if you can, it sustain you even when the snake slithers around hissing insults in your ear. When you remind yourself that you can, it’s easier to ignore the ones who keep saying you can’t.

Dragon Comics 55

This reminds me: maybe I should change the batteries in the smoke detector. Also, I should clean my oven.

This reminds me: maybe I should change the batteries in the smoke detector. Also, I should clean my oven.

Any excuse to draw cartoonish illustrations of things on fire is all right by me.

Of course, this comic derives from my very exciting Christmas cold, which was made more exciting by the fact that I had literally just recovered from my epic Thanksgiving cold. That seems sort of unfair. Why can my body not create sufficient antibodies to ward off all the virulent viruses in the air? Why am I exposed to so many viruses when I hardly talk to other people? Why isn’t the plural of “virus” “virii”?

Some questions will never be answered.

In panel 2, that’s a pretty original sound effect. In case you’ve ever wondered, the sound of a dragon sneezing due to a head cold is ker-CHOOFSH. Obviously, some part of the sound has to do with things catching fire whenever a dragon sneezes.

In panel 3 and 4, The Man is, of course, wearing a University of Arizona T-shirt because he is, apparently, some kind of wildcat.

Don’t worry about the table. Being magic, it cannot be harmed by dragon fire.