Tag Archives: goth mom

Knowledge is Dark Power

I can see how you might jump to conclusions but It’s not my fault you skipped your SAT prep class to hop fences.

“Why don’t you draw comics anymore?” people often ask me.

Well, here’s a comic I made, for all the good it will do you. Does this answer your question?

It started, I suppose, with my morbid but not the least bit irrational fear of having a metal bit drilling into my skull while I am conscious to experience it, which morphed into a generalized and perhaps slightly irrational phobia of dentistry in general, which I have been working to overcome for the last couple years. And then there’s the component where my lawyer friend told me that if you dont have a “No Trespassing” sign up, then it isn’t illegal for people to trespass on your property. Even if you have a wall of giant teeth surrounding it. Without the sign, you could be liable for the trespasser’s injuries. With the sign, you’re protected.

That lady, naturally, started out as McKayla Maroney being unimpressed, but then morphed into Morticia Addams being unimpressed, for obvious reasons.

I have like 6 posts that I should have put up on this blog: a super cool bulletin board and a bunch of greeting cards.

Goth Mom Knows How to Suffer

goth mom_edited-1

You don’t understand me! You’re probably not even my real mom! You probably kidnapped me from my real mom! My real mom is probably Marilyn Manson! Or Bela Lugosi!

It’s slightly troublesome to me that I really have no clue where this comic came from. Usually there’s some gamete of an idea–an event, an action, a memory–that spawns each comic. Yeah, there was the sort of goth PTA mom in last week’s cannibalism comic, but that connection came to me afterward. First was just the idea of a goth mom offering an upset kid absinthe and laudanum (the eyeliner idea came later, too, on the realization that even goth mom wouldn’t start with the hard stuff). Then the thought of how the kid of a goth mom would respond (exactly like the kid of any other mom) and then the Taylor Swift thing (her music is just so joyful, even when she’s petty or angry) and finally goth dad, who, naturally, will always assume the worst. Maybe that was a line out of an Addams Family movie or something like that. But what could be worse for goth parents than a kid who listens to upbeat pop?

Not sure what they’ll do now that they assume the worst. Search the kid’s computer for evidence of a Pinterest account? Arrange an intervention? An exorcism?

I happen to know a fair number of goth parents and they all seem to be doing a pretty good job of it. They can dress their kids in skulls and pentacles until they’re about 5, and then the kid turns around and only wants to wear polo shirts or pink tutus or something like that. It’s hard to rebel against goth mom. But goth mom expects your betrayal. She’ll love you even if you become an investment banker or a priest. Goth mom understands that the world is cruel and nobody understands you. Goth mom understands that better than anybody.