Normally, I don’t feel good about killing things. Once I smashed a cockroach shortly after hearing some Buddhist lecture about how every living creature is a reincarnation of your mother and it almost made me cry. But some things are disgusting to begin with and intolerable once they get inside of your home. Some things need to be dispatched with extreme prejudice. But I still don’t like doing it, which is why it’s nice to have The Man around, because he’s much more efficient and confident about exterminating vermin.
You know how it goes. You get busy, you let the chores pile up, you step away for a couple days, and before you know it, everything’s gotten away from you and the cave is infested with buzzing, flying demons. Every single time. A dragon can’t get a moment’s peace. How are you supposed to create something beautiful in that environment? How will dragon escape this mess? Besides cleaning up, obviously.
There will be no trigger warnings. This post encapsulates my mood right now with a fair degree of accuracy.
Feeling positively nasty today, a fine combination of chronic pain, sleep deprivation caused by chronic pain, and that weird, crusty, dirtiness of a day-old tattoo that begs to be washed but at the same time prevents you from taking a good shower or hot tub soak, because you spent a lot of money on that tattoo and you need to baby it if you want to keep it.
So, even though I had a comic idea, there’s no way I can use the tablet tonight. I can barely type. So, here are some macros. The first one is a dead leaf from last year’s tomato plant. Not my plant even; I’ve never successfully grown a tomato bigger than a marble out here.
This is an aphid infestation on a bean plant. They are fava beans, to be specific, but I hesitate to mention that fact, because the second you say “fava beans,” people’s brains fall out of their ears and all they can do it babble on about a nice chianti. This picture isn’t even that great, but it makes me kind of itchy.
Finally, this is a mouse that The Man found inside his gym shoe. Apparently my cat was losing her freaking mind over it. Most likely, she brought this little vermin in the house to play with and then got annoyed when it didn’t want to play. I didn’t want to play with it either. I wanted The Man to remove it from the house. He wanted me to photograph it, which is why it’s in a mason jar here instead of a shoe. He thought that he should put a mouse inside a vessel I use to store food.
Hopefully I sleep tonight, because 3 days without sleep renders me pretty useless. And allow me to point out that yesterday I was so tired that I literally forgot my car. I mean, I left it downtown and came home without it and then realized well into the night that my car was very far away, which would have a large impact on my day today. So, if yesterday I lost my car and today I was unable to go to my volunteer job or draw a comic, just imagine how hilariously I’ll screw my life up tomorrow if I don’t sleep again.
It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that certain real-life experiences informed this comic. As it is a comic, the retelling of the story shall be shaped to be more palatable than it was in real life.
Recently, we hired a contractor to relocate our laundry facilities from the utility room to the the front hall closet, and to turn the utility room into a bedroom. Unbeknownst to Man or Dragon, the contractor neglected to adequately seal the drain in the old utility room.
In addition, although he was asked repeatedly to leave the futon cover on the futon, a certain human insisted on removing the futon cover from the futon and throwing it over the not-sealed-up drain, for reasons which have yet to be revealed.
Then came the rains.
In this part of the country, desperate monsoons dump inches of water on the city in short periods of time. This, naturally, causes the sewers to temporarily become engorged. This of course, inspires certain creatures–for the sake of my readers’ comfort, I shall refer to these subterranean terrors as “marshmallows,” although anyone who has lived in a city knows what comes up out the sewers when it rains; however, let’s just say it was marshmallows–these marshmallows are inspired to come up out of the sewers through whatever means of egress they find.
So, when the marshmallows came up out of the sewers through the drain, they found a lovely little marshmallow habitat in the form of the wadded up futon cover, which was much nicer than the sewer. The marshmallows thought it would be more pleasant to relocate to the futon cover than return to the sewer. It was not until a few days after the rain that this development was discovered, by which time a truly nauseating number of marshmallows had infested the house.
The Man handily obtained a Marshmallow Bomb, which is an effective tool for murdering marshmallows without getting ones hands dirty, except that its use reveals the true extent of the marshmallow infestation; more than a week later, dead marshmallows, lying on their back with their horrible dead marshmallow legs in the air, still appear in the corners.
But this comic puts it all into perspective. Marshmallows are less dangerous, and easier to dispose of, than dead devils, wyrms, wargs, yetis, blobs, giant spiders, trolls, and weird alligator things with inexplicably long legs.