Tag Archives: monster

Alien Anthropologist

alien anthropologist_edited-2

What’s the use of feeling blue?

How do people build entire careers on drawing political comics? I can’t even look at a photograph of our new kleptocratic overlords without wanting to vomit lately. There is so much material–so many things that are clearly not OK and therefore in desperate need of mockery–that picking 1 thing out of the day’s new is overwhelming, and by the time you get to the end of the list it’s not funny anymore, if it ever was. There’s too much of it, legions of alleged humans working with all their might to make the world worse for the mast majority of its inhabitants and acting as if it’s perfectly reasonable to watch other suffer and die as long as corporations profit. Who am I even supposed to shame?

It was another hard day. My sister probably had the right idea, getting her Canadian citizenship, but apart from the racism and most of my elected officials, I really like where I live. Still, running away has its merits.

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Dragon Comics 18

Warning: Monster Bomb has been found to cause cancer in giant mutant laboratory rats in the state of California.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that certain real-life experiences informed this comic. As it is a comic, the retelling of the story shall be shaped to be more palatable than it was in real life.

Recently, we hired a contractor to relocate our laundry facilities from the utility room to the the front hall closet, and to turn the utility room into a bedroom. Unbeknownst to Man or Dragon, the contractor neglected to adequately seal the drain in the old utility room.

In addition, although he was asked repeatedly to leave the futon cover on the futon, a certain human insisted on removing the futon cover from the futon and throwing it over the not-sealed-up drain, for reasons which have yet to be revealed.

Then came the rains.

In this part of the country, desperate monsoons dump inches of water on the city in short periods of time. This, naturally, causes the sewers to temporarily become engorged. This of course, inspires certain creatures–for the sake of my readers’ comfort, I shall refer to these subterranean terrors as “marshmallows,” although anyone who has lived in a city knows what comes up out the sewers when it rains; however, let’s just say it was marshmallows–these marshmallows are inspired to come up out of the sewers through whatever means of egress they find.

So, when the marshmallows came up out of the sewers through the drain, they found a lovely little marshmallow habitat in the form of the wadded up futon cover, which was much nicer than the sewer. The marshmallows thought it would be more pleasant to relocate to the futon cover than return to the sewer. It was not until a few days after the rain that this development was discovered, by which time a truly nauseating number of marshmallows had infested the house.

The Man handily obtained a Marshmallow Bomb, which is an effective tool for murdering marshmallows without getting ones hands dirty, except that its use reveals the true extent of the marshmallow infestation; more than a week later, dead marshmallows, lying on their back with their horrible dead marshmallow legs in the air, still appear in the corners.

But this comic puts it all into perspective. Marshmallows are less dangerous, and easier to dispose of, than dead devils, wyrms, wargs, yetis, blobs, giant spiders, trolls, and weird alligator things with inexplicably long legs.

 

Dragon Comics 17

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Some monsters have a lot of chutzpah.

Maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but in general, I don’t think I’m the only artist who deals with bizarre distractions coupled with an attrition of art supplies. If I had a dollar for every time I had to stop what I was doing to figure out what happened to the stylus for the Wacom tablet, I could buy a new stylus every single day, and while I own literally hundreds of pens and pencils, laying my hands on one when it’s needed can become a bit of an ordeal. Poor Dragon has so much more to contend with.

Dragon Comics 16

Just what you want to hear first thing on a Monday morning.

Just what you want to hear first thing on a Monday morning.

A more comical weapon than a scimitar did not come immediately to mind. It’s sort of funny looking and the name sounds slightly amusing. Can anyone think of funnier weapons? Actual weapons that look or sound funny, not ridiculous things being used as weapons. The first person I asked suggested a typewriter on a chain. That’s funny. But it’s not a real weapon. You might use it in a pinch, but you would never take it into battle.

You don’t take a typewriter on a chain to a scimitar fight.

See? It doesn’t work.