Category Archives: Uncategorized

Just a Good Old Fashioned Mandala

Leave a reply
img052

Pinwheels. Peppermints. Diamonds in diamonds. Whatever you see. 

We begin this week celebrating the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and we’ll end it trying to come to grips with what promises to be a bleak period in this history of civil rights in America. It can’t be sugarcoated. Pointing fingers, laying blame, and throwing insults don’t change what’s to come. Only standing up to speak when we witness inequality and coming to together to rally up against wrongdoings can influence history now.

Personally, I want to crawl back into my cave and curl up in the hoard. It’s gonna be a long week. Supposedly, we’ll grit our collective teeth and get through it somehow.

Blue Dream Mandala

Leave a reply
img050

Funny how those eyes seem to follow you across the room.

Happy New Year! This is a nice design to start 2017: it’s peaceful and calming. Right now, people seem angry and divisive. Everyone’s quick to point out everyone else’s flaws but no one wants to acknowledge their own faults, even if they’re the same problem. Especially if they both have the same problem. Meanwhile, the people they think they’re opposing are quietly profiting from the strife. I’m going to draw more mandalas, in pursuit of becoming more centered.

Today I rode my bike in the rain, because I’m tired of feeling middle aged. There were a bunch of kids riding their bikes in the rain, too, so I guess it worked. Of course, it shouldn’t be raining all day for days at a stretch in the desert but that’s another worry.

 

 

Yard Renegade

Leave a reply
Court_edited-3.png

Alas, the Scarlet W of Shame is embroidered upon my chest. 

Finally, a comic I can feel good about. This is a true story. Admittedly, I did have tall weeds growing in my yard. Tall weeds are nice; they attract birds and other native creatures. The cat loves tall weeds. They are much better than a yard full of invasive goatshead. But I got a warning. Oh no! And we spend many hours pulling tall weeds, mowing tall weeds, weed whacking tall weeds: me, The Man, the kids. And the city STILL issued a citation stamped in red: appear in court or a judgement will be leveled against you. My good neighbor then revealed to me that some other neighbors were congratulating themselves on “cleaning up the neighborhood.” By reporting me to the city. Someone did this to me.

I toyed with the idea of erecting a giant, ugly sign in my yard:

Dear “Neighbors,”

I use scare quotes because your behavior was anything but neighborly. Good neighbors, upon becoming distressed regarding the state of our yard, would have rung the bell and asked if everything was OK. And you would have learned that we are impoverished, and disabled, and have far more pressing concerns than tall weeds. But instead, you reported me to the city. Now I am facing a fine I cannot afford and I have to go to court. You have caused a great deal of stress and trouble, so please, don’t go around patting yourself on the back for your part in “cleaning up the neighborhood.” And please, do not ring the bell to apologize. Unless you are offering to pay our fine or take charge of our landscaping in the coming year, I’m not interested in talking to you.

You are bad neighbors, and you should feel bad.

Sincerely,

A Human Being Doing Literally the Best She Can

I didn’t do it. But I might, if I end up having to pay this fine.

The incident in panel 2 was really real. Not my finest moment. But if I had to spend another minute in that room I was going to go insane. Not only was the judge an ass, but also I was hallucinating from lack of sleep and couldn’t even follow the jury selection questions, and the trial was going to be 3 weeks long, and it was entirely about whether or not a hospital killed a guy by giving him bedsores. Three weeks of getting up early to hear testimony about bedsores officiated by a guy who I already wanted to report to someone for awful conduct. And then the judge started trying to tell me how I was supposed to feel. Anyway, life pro tip: if you’re crying too hard to answer questions, they don’t make you serve on a jury.

Panel 3 was real, too. It was during a break in the session, and I absolutely was NOT talking to that cop. I was talking to my fellow scofflaw red light runners about what utter nonsense photo enforcement was, and they all agreed with me. And then this cop comes up and starts telling me how important traffic cameras are and how dangerously I was driving, and we had JUST come out of the booth where I had to watch the camera footage and I could see I was not driving dangerously, as there were no other cars or people in the intersection, and if the yellow light had been .2 seconds longer, I wouldn’t have gotten the ticket.

And, you know, I sort of have problems with authority figures, and I got huffy with him, and gave him what I considered to be the facts of the matter. He responded as pretty much all strangers respond when they try to talk to me and I cut them down: he backed away slowly and let the matter drop.

I was really freaking out because I thought my trial was going to be at 7 a.m. or something, and even though I think there’s a good chance the whole thing will be dismissed, I cannot keep it together at 7 a.m. and I feared that I would not be able to talk to the judge in such a way that they would have any sympathy for my plight. But actually it’s at 2 p.m. so maybe there’s a chance for me. I’ll say this much: if I still have to pay a fine after all the work I did, I won’t have any incentive to both keeping the yard up next year.

Be Funny

Leave a reply
be-funny_edited-1

Panel 4: Interrobang!

The pressure to accomplish something every day simply because someone else expects you to is a tremendous motivator. For years, the Fox and I emailed each other every day for “accountability.” We would share our word count, or number of pages edited, or queries submitted, like that. Definitely, there came days when I would have just skipped writing, except that it shamed me because he would know that I failed. So I wrote a lot more to keep from disappointing my friend.

Practically every night I think my ideas are good when I come up with them, OK as I create them, and terrible when I upload. Usually trolls don’t excoriate me. Maybe once or twice a year, although 137 upvotes/messages might be an exaggeration. Still, it’s enough to keep me going. Yesterday I was thinking about quitting. Today 7 people told me they hoped I didn’t. So, you know….

If you are among those who get something out of this work and don’t want me to quit, please consider making a small monthly donation to my Patreon. For the price of a cup of coffee a month, you could make a difference in the life of an artist. And to my 2 current Patreon patrons, thank you! You are appreciated.

 

Winter Garden Mandala

Leave a reply
img049

Mmm…Christmas Cabbage

You know that documentary where the guy eats nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days? I’m doing a similar experiment, except with gingerbread and it’s only day 4 and my liver is probably ready to be foie gras at this point. Actually, I hid the last bit of gingerbread in the freezer, but as fans of the popular early reading series Frog and Toad are well aware, that isn’t likely to keep me from eating gingerbread. We gave away 3/4 of the gingerbread, and there is still gingerbread.

There’s a reason I only do this once a year.

It is very artistic gingerbread. We use cookie cutters for the shapes, and then we frost them with buttercream icing in every color of the rainbow and then we add candy, sprinkle, nonpareils, colored sugar, marshmallow, what have you. Every cookie is unique. Also,  eating one cookie is kind of like eating a small cake. We went to 2 holiday parties over the weekend and I didn’t sample anyone else’s cookies. Because I was too busy eating my cookies.

Might have to go sugar-free for a couple months next year.

Boilerplate

Leave a reply
boilerplate_edited-1

If you get woke on your own time, we assume you won’t be coming back in to work ever.

I assure you, the system is rigged, and I came from the plus side, so it’s not like it’s sour grapes or anything. America is rigged, more or less, in my general favor, providing I work within certain parameters. Despite my obvious flaws and handicaps (complete lack of work ethic, little interest in advancement, antagonism toward authority, zero respect for anything, inability to comprehend or observe social norms, failure to ever do anything for 8 hours at a time except sleep) the world is biased toward me, because I have fair skin and multiple degrees (obtained without accruing student debt), speak the language of the culture of power as my first dialect, and hold an inherent belief regarding the value of my own skill set. Even the fact that I was assigned female at birth and only loosely conform to gender expectations doesn’t shut me out because my upper-middle class upbringing has always assured me that I’m totally within my right to say, “My time is extremely valuable, and if you want me to do something that’s not my idea, you’ll have to pay what it’s worth to me.” I know so many people who are more talented than I am, or at least better employees, by an order of magnitude, who have struggled all their lives and worked 10 times harder than I ever did, but weren’t born into my circumstances, and can’t get past the built-in obstacles designed to prevent them from advancing.

So, yeah. A lot of the people who enjoy the benefits of this imbalance actively work to maintain that imbalance even while offering lip service to progress.

Some folks have called the current crisis in the US the last gasp of white male supremacy, but I honestly don’t think the system is designed to break open like that. Things change–sometimes slowly, sometimes in big jumps, and sometimes going backwards for a little bit before they can move ahead again–but the world is built on what’s come before. We never wipe civilization out and start with a blank slate. It’s going to be a while before those cold, gray hands loosen their grip on the reins. You might not see them, but they’re there, and they’re not ready to let go, not until a critical mass of everyone gets woke and forcibly removes them from the driver’s seat.

Hopefully people will appreciate my webcomics in that reality.

Dragon Comics 148

Leave a reply
dragon-comics-148_edited-1

Seriously, you *never* hear people talking about goodwill in the spring or summer. 

It’s not my holiday, and I’ve never understood it. For most of my life, Christmas comprised a glorious chunk of time in which everybody left me alone long enough to focus on whatever consumed me in that moment. The few years of my adulthood I was invited/persuaded to participate in some sort of seasonal celebration I felt like a martian.

Well, even more of martian than usual.

In panel 4, I guess I was going for some kind of tannenbaum/dreidel mashup. The tree came out well and it deserved a little spotlight attention.

Ms. Kitty’s Heart

Leave a reply
img_4965

You know what would have helped? If I had any idea how to paint. 

Well over a year ago Ms. Kitty was extolling the virtues of her heart collection–a series of paintings by various artists, which she’d acquired over the years, and which all featured prominently the image of a heart–and asked if I would contribute. But I don’t paint all that much (the last really big painting project I did was like 18 years ago) and I didn’t have any real canvas and it just kept getting bumped. But she had asked me again a little before Thanksgiving, and during Thanksgiving my sister was cleaning out her room at my parents’ house (my parents are retiring and threatened to throw all her stuff away, which is something they would totally do and had already started doing) and she was going to toss a painting she did in high school, so I just painted over it.

I know that’s not how you’re supposed to do it, but, as I said, I don’t know how to paint. Unlike me, my sister has taken painting classes, and she told me to cover the canvas in gesso, but I skipped that step and just laid the paint on thick enough to mostly obscure the original image, although you can still see a prominent line on the left side (through the wrist) and there are a couple places where her textures or colors peek through.

For all that, I think it came out decently, even though when I look at it all I see are its myriad flaws and I’d like to paint over it again and do it right this time. But Ms. Kitty seemed to like it. At this resolution, you can’t see the 6 ghost cats hidden on the bottom right.

The canvas itself is about 18″ x 24″ and the paints are acrylic, just the common stuff you can get at Michael’s or any art shop. I think the brand might even be called Basic. Most of the paints were fairly old but still seemed fine. I had to acquire 2 new brushes and 1 new paint. Even in acrylic, painting is a really expensive hobby.

This took me about a week, working between 2 and 5 hours every day. I imagine, if I knew how to paint, it could have gone faster.

Painting made me want to paint more, but I don’t have more canvas. I was actually thinking about trying that thing where you buy terrible landscapes at Goodwill and then paint monsters into them. I bet I could make a killing if I painted Pokemon into them. But actually, getting paintings at Goodwill is not as easy as you’d think.

In other news, The Man decided to give me an early Christmas present by teaching himself bookbinding and creating a hardcover version of The Hermit! I am astonished. It’s really remarkable work. If you’d like to see the step-by-step tutorial of his process, you can follow this Reddit link (and upvote if you’re a Redditor and you like me and you think his work is worthy, which, of course, it is). Now that the paperback version is available, the ebook will be offered, for a limited time, as a free download.

Turned Diamond Mandala

Leave a reply
img047

The flaws in the pattern almost give it an Escher-esque dimensionality. 

I was a little bit sick last week, and a lot painting (more on that tomorrow) but mostly I was low and apathetic and in need of a vacation after my non-vacation vacation. Usually I take a little break around Thanksgiving and again around Christmas but I didn’t take off any time from the blog the entire 2 1/2 weeks we were on the road. I’m hoping I’ll have lot of cool projects to showcase at the end of the year anyway. If I can stop feeling low and apathetic. Which I could do. By distracting myself with cool projects.

It’s just hard. The forces of darkness seem to be surging.

My Book Is Not about Dead Trees

Leave a reply
screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-12-58-34-am

DON’T CLICK ON THAT LINK! IT’S NOT A REAL LINK! IT’S JUST A SCREEN SHOT!

Someone thought I wrote a book about dead trees. But it’s not about dead trees. It’s printed on dead trees! Big difference.

That’s right, The Hermit is a paperback now. I certainly hope that the legions of people who told me they really, really, really wanted to read my book but they really, really, really couldn’t read it digitally will buy it. The ebook is $5 and the dead tree version is $15 but my margin is about the same on either one.

Do you want my dead tree book? You can buy it by clicking on this sentence.

I’m terrible at marketing, but, with much difficulty, I did manage to send out an email blast. The Man will do some more specific marketing of the book when we get back from Thanksgiving, but for now, I sent out this broader email, which sort of outlines all the ways a person could help my career simply by clicking links on the internet. It’s great if people buy things, but they can help out even without spending money. This is what I sent:

Let’s face it: I am hilarious. And talented. And deserving.

If you disagree, go ahead and click on something more stimulating.

If you believe that my work does not suck and that the world would be a better/prettier/more exciting place with more Monica, then I hope you don’t mind taking 5 minutes out of your life to give me a little boost, keeping in mind that I’m a person who rarely asks for help and who has never sent a mass email blast, and this probably makes me more uncomfortable than it makes you.

How can you help Monica? The possibilities are myriad and varied.

For example, you could purchase my contemporary fantasy novel, The Hermit, in electronic or in its long-awaited paperback format.

Have you checked out either of my QWERTYvsDvorak sites?

On QWERTYvsDvorak.com you can enjoy out a visual history of my artwork, including the increasing popular Dragon Comics, which are apparently pretty funny, and even funnier if you already know me.

On my RedBubble site, you can buy T-shirts, pillows, tote bags, travel mugs, art prints, cell phone cases, stickers, and numerous other useful and attractive household items featuring my original design.

Click around and you might see something that appeals to you. If you do, all I’m asking is that you share it with your social networks. Like a page on Facebook, or Tweet it on Twitter, add a heart on RedBubble, hurl it into the void on Ello or Google+ or Livejournal, or email it to your grandmother.  Of course, if you want to buy a hoodie, notebook, or coffee mug from my shop, I’ll be eternally grateful, but if I’m not selling anything you want or can afford, you can still help. Please take 5 minutes out of your life to help shove my work out into the universe and convince Google that my life has relevance. Every click, upvote, and repost counts.

Of course, if you don’t believe my life has relevance, feel free to delete this email.

Not sure where to start? Here are some of my more popular pages:

Comics (I’ve drawn hundreds!)

Funny: https://qwertyvsdvorak.com/2016/08/17/superkids/

Controversial: https://qwertyvsdvorak.com/2015/12/15/the-problem-with-symbols/

Political: https://qwertyvsdvorak.com/2016/02/02/2-ways-of-looking-at-socialism/

Sad: https://qwertyvsdvorak.com/2016/02/03/the-things-you-carry-a-comic-from-my-subconscious/

Designs  (I’ve got dozens! And most designs are available on most products!)

A T-shirt for kids who love My Little Pony and seahorses

Blue morpho butterfly notecards

Dress with a Rainbird design

Golden Barrel Cactus Flower duvet cover

Quick links for the technologically timid:

Click here to buy an electronic version of The Hermit on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Hermit-Monica-Friedman-ebook/dp/B01HAN68L4

Click here to buy a paperback copy of The Hermit: https://www.createspace.com/6729470

Click here to browse my RedBubble design portfolio: https://www.redbubble.com/people/QWERTYvsDVORAK/portfolio

Click here to read my blog:

https://qwertyvsdvorak.com/

If you don’t want any stuff, but do want to financially support a working artist, you can donate directly through my Patreon. Patreon is a site where patrons can directly support artists by making small monthly donations. Even as little as a dollar a month is welcome. Donate $15 more and you can receive a small token of my esteem.

Click here to donate directly to my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QWERTYvsDvorak

All the sites mentioned here are trusted, secure sites through which you can safely make payments.

If you would like to purchase a copy of my Bonnie Jo Campbell Mothers, Tell Your Daughters you can send $5 and your mailing address to my littledragonblue@gmail.com PayPal account.

Perhaps it’s just my biased opinion, but I happen to think that both the real-paper version of my novel, or any of the charming products in my RedBubble shop, would make spectacular Christmas, Hanukkah, birthday, unbirthday, or just because presents for all of your loved ones. Other people buying my work would certainly make a spectacular present for me.

In any case, I wish you a delightful, happy, and whimsical holiday season.

Rawr,

Monica

(Dragon)